I had a dental cleaning appointment with Dr. Hottie Patottie this past week and, fortunately, he found two tiny cavities in one tooth necessitating my return for fillings the next day. Before I get too far into this blog, I need to tell fellow fans of his a bit of bad news. Dr. Hottie Patottie recently got married. (Which kind of surprised me because while he is pretty and a very good dentist (surprisingly enough, I mean, who thought someone who looks so jock-like would be so smart and capable?) he doesn't have much for personality. Did that last sentence even make sense?
Anyway, while his hygienist was doing my cleaning, we traded advice. I gave her my professional opinion on dealing with her 3 year-old's tantrums, and she gave me her advice on how to deal with stains on my front teeth leftover from my days with braces. She recommended doing microabrasion. Finishing my cleaning, she told me she was going to go get Dr. Hottie Patottie (ohboyohboyohboy) to have him review my teeth and assess whether microabrasion would help.
During my consult with Dr. Hottie Patottie, I didn't think to ask about the process of microabrasion, but neither he nor his hygienist made it sound like a big deal. Further research on-line that night left me with the impression that this was a quick, easy, PAINLESS procedure.
I confidently walked in the next morning for my fillings and microabrasion. With the fillings done, Dr. Hottie Patottie set to work on the cosmetic portion of the appointment. I nearly died and, because I was mostly in Dr. Patottie's arms, went to heaven.
Microabrasion is not painful. Painful doesn't describe the feeling of chills running through your entire body while the ceiling starts swirling, your vision becomes cloudy, and you feel as if someone is ramming a frozen metal rod into your nerves. Can you say torture?
The microabrasion -- which is a technique involving actually sanding off the surface of your tooth -- was a partial success. He could see the disappointment in my eyes when I looked in the mirror, "You already have really white teeth -- they're beautiful -- and I'm not saying you need to whiten them, but if you want to take it farther to get the look I think you are wanting, then we can do more abrasion, or you can use a whitening product."
I quickly said no to further abrasion and left the office. During the day, my teeth re-hydrated (which restored their color) and while they still have a bit of the stain on them, they do look better. And so I spent a lot of the day smiling. I even smiled at myself in the mirror -- I can't remember the last time I did that. A traumatic moment in the 7th grade girls bathroom has left me with the habit of not looking at myself in the mirror -- that's a whole other blog.
As I laid there, hoping I didn't die or pass out, it came to me that it makes sense to go to a dentist who could be a model. Having work done on your teeth is such a traumatic event, why not at least have someone's beautiful blue eyes to stare into?