Humor is also a way of saying something serious. - T. S. Eliot

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Am I at the Gym or Still at Home?

I go to the gym for a few reasons:

1. Escape
2. Reconditioning and strengthening
3. Escape
4.  Mood-boosting effects of exercise

Lately, though, my visits to the gym have not provided me with an escape.  Here's whats been going on:

1. It is an all women's gym.  GROWN UP WOMEN ONLY.  Not to be sexist or anything, but I thought that besides feeling less self-conscious there, I could also expect to find that people had picked up after themselves and  PUT EQUIPMENT AWAY where it BELONGS so I can find it. 

but no, just like at home, I can't find what I need when I need it b/c elves or something HIDE things in ODD places.

2.  Contrary to impulsive little children, I expect adults to have manners. This is not the case, as I found out the other night when I was leaving and a woman YELLS at me to "Shut that door all the way and be sure it locks when you leave."

excuse me?  can you say please? how about NOT yelling? or here's a novel idea, if you are so paranoid that I am incapable of shutting a door, walk your thunder thighs the five feet over to the door after I leave and make sure it is shut to your liking.

3.  It's my locker, so stay out of it.  That means, do not put random headbands and barrettes in MY locker and then leave MY door wide-fucking open after you have rifled through MY pants and  MY coat.  And why would you go through those things INSTEAD of my purse?

that just screams 4 year-old behavior at me, but instead, it was a grown woman who also knocked the lid off the garbage can and left it lying on the floor for me to TRIP over because who expects that at the gym?   

Seriously children, I mean, women.  COME ON!  I'm on the verge of twInsanity and I. Need. A.  Break. 


Monday, November 29, 2010

I'm Not Sure Where That Came From

I was sitting on the kitchen floor watching both girls pick a piece of candy from their Halloween stash.  Ella looked up at me and declared, 

"Your face is so pretty...You should be in a show!"

This out of the blue statement tickled me and I burst out laughing.

And with a slight southern drawl and her hand clutched over her heart, Ella responded to my reaction,

"You just made my day!"

In a day or so, I'll post our Thanksgiving going-ons and share my theory on why artificial Christmas trees were invented, but for now, there are dishes to do, coffee to make, and a bed calling my name.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Daddy Got a New Job, Etc.

Every month I send the relatives and a few very close friends an update and link to our pictures from the past month.  I am posting that email below for 2 reasons: 

1. I haven't had time to do a real blog entry.  I'm desperately tired, Andi has not slept more than two hours at night for the past 3 weeks.  She is sick, sick, sick -- "the crud," a viral rash, a bad cold...

2.  I can have all my writings in one spot so I can make it into a book for the girls, someday...

Happy Thanksgiving!

If I counted right, there are only 4.5 weeks til Christmas. Woh!  Ella, though, is already eagerly awaiting Easter.  She thumbs her nose at those who believe in celebrating one holiday at a time.  Andi, on the other hand, is just happy Halloween is over.  Wearing a costume was annoying at best, and tantrum inducing at worst.  The door-to-door begging for candy was puzzling, and being asked to put the sweet prize carefully chosen from the bowl into an Elmo bucket was infuriating.  By the time we got home, her hand was permanently frozen around three pieces of candy -- little fist, big candy appetite.

Between Halloween and Thanksgiving, someone in the house has been sick continually and Dave pointed out that the season is identified not by the snow falling outside or the Christmas decorations being put up, but by the ever-growing line of  bottles of various medications by the kitchen sink.  The thermometer has never made it's way back into it's storage case in the closet, and with Ella waking up sick today, there's no relief in sight.  These children may have wars over sharing toys, but there are no hang-ups when it comes to sharing germs.

Grampa told Ella about my childhood tradition of choosing a tree at the farm with mom and he and Patrick cutting it down.  Ella has been on Dave to let her help him cut down a Christmas tree at the farm next weekend.  She has assigned Sophia and I to picking the tree.  I love her initiative and leadership!

Andi has developed some possessiveness when it comes to mommy.  She screams at the girls if they hold my hand. If they sit on my lap, she yanks at their legs and yells "GO!"  She identifies her nose, head, tummy, foot, sock, and butt (that is a new one as of this morning that took me by surprise).  She chants "Ella baby, Ella baby," and uses one-word statements to request crackers and trips outside.

Daddy landed a job at a large corporation working in the government contracts division reviewing contracts.  It should have more normal and reasonable hours.  Last night was his first night home from the new job and, sitting down to eat with us on a weeknight for the first time in four years, the twins argued and Andi cried and threw her plate of food to the floor.  I told him this was not unusual and he said he'd be asking for his old job back.  Damn.

Ella helped Daddy clean out his office one weekend.  As they drove through the parking garage looking for a parking spot, Ella shared with him that she loves "Candicap spots because I LOOOOVVVE candy!"

A couple new pics....

Sick little fairy having a bad hair day


Thursday, November 18, 2010

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

I'd Like to Thank My Supporters

Before completing this blog post, I'd like to thank my family for their warm support of me as I attempt to begin my Wednesday...

On my way to the cupboard, I felt my foot step on something cold and squishy "I just stepped in oatmeal."

Dave, who is always trying to hijack my blog, replied, "That sounds like a blog post."

"I don't think there is much to say about stepping in oatmeal," I had replied.

"Sure there is," Dave said.  He continued on, "Just add an exclamation point. 'I just stepped in oatmeal!' And then write 'Nobody told me this would come with motherhood.  And you know what else they didn't tell me would come with motherhood?  Bitchiness."

Oh hot damn. 

Getting Ella's hair done for school, she told me I was not allowed to take her to school today unless my hair and make-up was done.  "My teachers will laugh and I will be embarrassed."

Andi, staring at a corner of the kitchen that collects dirt, squatted down and said "EWWWWW!"  Apparently my cleaning ability leaves something to be a one-year-old.

Sophia had nothing to say...she was too tired from the night before, having spent half of it going between my room and hers "I'm scared of the dark." 

Sunday, November 14, 2010

First Snow 2010

"Outside! Outside!"  Andi booked it to the door, yelling her wish to follow her big sisters.  The twins had bundled up in their snow gear and rushed out to meet the neighbor girls in the heavy, heart-attack inducing snow that fell all night long. 

"You'll have to wear your boots, Andi." 

Andi just got her first pair of boots the other night.  In fact, all three girls were fitted in brand new boots, good to temps down to 25 degrees below zero.  Despite the impressive warmth the boots offered, Andi was not impressed.  She can't figure out how to walk in them.

The news that she would have to wear boots was devastating for her.  She grabbed the boot from me and walked to the top of the stairs and flung it into the basement.  The hostile act of throwing the boot only provided a gateway to the rest of her anger and she dropped to the tile floor, screaming and kicking the wall. 

Not only will she not wear boots, she refuses to touch the snow.  The space on my camera to capture her delight as she touches and experiences snow for the first time as a one-year-old is empty.  The woman ain't gonna touch it.  No way jose.  

I can't blame her.  I feel the same way about winter -- usually not this early, though.

But the twins were happy....
Cozy warm, time for a story with Daddy before going to bed while the snow fell...

View from the front door

View from the back door

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

If You Can't Beat 'Em, Join 'Em

So I'm voting republican from now on.  Just kidding.  (You ok, Tom?  Do you need chest compressions?)

Moving along with where I was really going with this post...

A common, obvious complaint from stay-at-home moms is the lack of "sick days" available in the benefit package.  

Having caught the bug going through the house, and lacking in sleep from getting up with sick Andi, I tried to have a few "sick minutes" and laid down on the floor of the twins' room.  

3 minutes off my toes becomes....

Ella:  "Mom!  Andi is a kitty!  We drawed on her!"  
Sophia: "I didn't do it.  Ella did."

I contemplated things for a moment and then said, "Ella, come here.  You know you are not supposed to color on anything but paper, right?  Give me that marker in your hand..."

The initial shock of mommy drawing on their little faces was quickly followed by hilarity and giggly excitement.  "I'm a kitty!" "Meow!  Meow!" 

I think the fever has affected my brain. But they were happy, and quiet, so who cares.  If drawing on my children is what it takes to get some quiet while I am sick, I'm happy to do it. 

Most Frequently Used Phrases in My Day

Leave her alone!

Put her down!

Dave, are you on your way home, yet?

Oh my gosh. I'm losing  my mind.  ohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh


Sit in your seat and buckle your seatbelt. NOW!

Okay. That's it.

Use your inside voices. 

SHHHH!!!  Andi is sleeping and if you wake her up I am going to be very angry.

Put Mocha out before she pees on the floor again!

That is ENOUGH TV.  I swear. I'm going to throw that thing out.

No. It is not snack time. You just ate.

Andi, get down! Stop climbing that.

What did she put in her mouth?  Tell me now!

You have til 5!  1.. 2... 3... 4... 5!

Fine. Whatever.  sigh.....

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Elephant in the Room

I've done it.  Finally.  Posted to my "other" blog...And yes, it's akin to the other OOC posts.  It's just as nasty, potentially offensive, and perhaps warrants my feeling ashamed of myself...

and may well be the making of elephant in the room type situations for myself...

but it is what it is...

I won't link it to this blog or continue to post here when I update the "other" I want the readers who may be attracted to it to stay away from my children.

So, if it's your cup of tea...check it out...and we'll have our own (pi)tea party after last night's elections.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Trick or Treat

Mommy carved Cinderella, Grampa carved the rest.  Thank you grampa.  Andi picked a kitty, Sophia wanted Tinker, and Ella wanted Cinderella. 

I found Ella upstairs crying last night.  "I'm sad Halloween is over," she sobbed.

I fully believed her.  She was literally vibrating with excitement the morning of the 31st. 

Sophia and Ella were truly Twincesses.  Sophia was Belle and Ella was Cinderella.  They ran to each door planning whose turn it was to ding the bell. 

As soon as the door opened, their little lips burst out "Trick or treat!" They gathered their candy from the hand at the door and then, in true gracious-princess fashion, un-coached by us to use manners, they both said "Happy  Halloween!  Thank you!" (This grace surprised both us and the people at the door on more than one occasion.) 

Sometimes the girls would feel compelled to chat a little, such as, "I'm Belle/Cinderella.  I got my hair curled. I have lipstick on.  That's my baby sister back there.  She's a snow leopard.  Her name is Andi.  I'm wearing clothes under my dress so I don't get cold."

And off they went to repeat the process.  I have no idea how many doors we hit, but it was at least half the neighborhood. 

At one of the last houses, the twincesses met their match as far as Chatty Cathy status.  The little girl passing out candy, without taking a breath, shared all of the following:

"I was a devil but then I got cold so I came home and put on these pajamas and now I'm a baby. I even have socks on under this, as well as my boots, but I'm still cold.  Please take five candies each please."

Wow!  That kid can take charge!

Princess Belle

Princess Cinder-Ella

The Twincesses just before leaving for the preschool of 3 halloween events. Oh what a FUN WEEK!

The Tiniest Trick-or-Treater

Andi found the week of halloween events rather...annoying.  Taxing.  Irritating.  Tantrum evoking. 

Mad snow leopard

Humiliated Snow Leopard

I thought you loved me Grampa.  Why are you doing this to me?

Screw it.  I'm outta here.
"Twick Tweet!"  Andi yelled this phrase all week...but she didn't want to use it while she was trick-or-treating.  At front doors...

She stood.  And waited.  Until the twincesses cleared out of her way...

Until the person lowered the bowl...

Then she scanned her choices... 

Picked one...

And then another...

And two-fisting it, screamed at me until I picked her up.

And don't think for a second she would let anyone put her candy in her bag.

At the next house, she would leave a deposit of candy from the previous house, which the hand at the door would fish out of the bowl and hand it to me....

While Andi refilled both fists.

Once home, the overtired leopard screamed until she got the trophy of all her candy.


The RED LOLLIPOP wasn't the only highlight.  She loves cats lately.  She "meows" frequently, and if we meow at her, it often cheers her up and even makes her giggle.

So when grampa carved her a kitty pumpkin, she would stand and stare at it on the deck and point, saying,

"apple!  Meow!"

"Apple" is the word she INSISTS on using for pumpkins.

What fun we had... (minus daddy, who was violently ill with either stomach flu or food poisoning)...

Now bring on the turkey! (actually, we usually roast a chicken...turkey never turns out --it's either dry or still bloody.  I just can't figure that bird out.)