Sucking Wings Off Flies

There are moments as a parent, that I laugh. Inappropriately. Maybe it's because I am so taken aback by what happened that I can't stifle my natural reaction. Maybe it's because I am immature.  Maybe, it's because I am insane. It really doesn't matter why. I do it. I do it when behavior is inappropriate, or when I'm startled.  Dave says I look "like a muppet" when I laugh, mouth wide open. He complains that the maniacal laughter disrupts the comic story so many times, that by the time I finish telling it, he's forgotten how the story even started. And he always seems slightly disturbed and dumbfounded when I tell him, between fits of laughter, that I think I'm going to pee my pants.

I laughed when I sent my twincesses to their room and they shouted at me,

"Stupid mommy. Poop it off."

Shortly after the girls learned technical terms for female anatomy, I laughed when I heard Ella's shocked yell from the bathroom. She had burst in on Dave stepping out of the shower,

"LOOK at Daddy's big vulva!"

(Dave, calling me a "comedy whore" did permit me to share this story, but drew the line at posting any sort of photographs)

I laughed following a panicked moment of swiping Andi's mouth with my finger, believing she had a bead in there. Pulling my finger out, I was startled to find a large, wingless fly on my finger. Screaming, I threw it across the room.

There's the time I laughed despite searing pain in my ear.  Ella and Sophia were 18 months old.  They had a cold and, leaving Ella in her crib, I suctioned Sophia's nose on their bedroom floor.  Sophia would scream and fight, but I kept going. Ella, protective of her sister, grabbed her doll with hard, plastic limbs and winged it at me. The plastic foot of the doll caught my ear just right.

The aim that child had stays with her to this day. Angry with Sophia for something, Ella shouted across the room at her, "I'm going to throw something pointy at you!"  Lost in dinner prep mode, the statement didn't register with me, and I looked up just in time to see Ella chuck the Tinker Bell plastic tea kettle at Sophia from across the room.  It hit Sophia square on the head.


I laugh at gross situations, too.

I placed freshly showered, still naked one-year-old twins in their room. They climbed on the huge totes I used to store outgrown clothing in. When they climbed down, they splashed and played with the liquid on the lid. I kept cleaning the room when it finally dawned on me...

someone had pee'd on the tote lid and now they were splashing in it.

I did not laugh; however, when I looked up from dealing with Andi at Sophia and Ella's first day of swim class. I saw Ella flailing underwater, the teacher with her back turned. There's nothing funny about water and not knowing how to swim.

My mother-in-law was here for the weekend. She doesn't ask me for anything, so when she made a simple request, it seemed only necessary that I answer it positively.  She's a teacher, seen tragic drownings, and will get on a soapbox about water safety. She wondered, if somehow I could work a safety reminder into my blog..."Perhaps you can blog a bit on summer safety, although it probably isn't funny - but with your talent maybe you could make a funny that got the point across."

Thanks for coming Nikki. And travel home safe.