Humor is also a way of saying something serious. - T. S. Eliot

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Let Me Just Tell You Why I'm Bitchy

NOTE: I am taking the girls to the parent's for the weekend. Dave has been left with a "to do" list - divide and conquer.  It is impossible to get things done with the girls around. And we got a whole lotta stuff to do. I hope you have a safe and happy 4th.  Let's talk next week.

I'll leave you with this entry...because as I try to maintain the household AND pack, and re-pack what they unpacked after I asked them 5 times to LEAVE ALONE...I'm feeling a little on edge and it is shadowing my writing.

For the third time at the Lakeville Target, a holier-than-thou employee decided to impose their values and discipline onto my children and myself. I normally boycott that particular Target, but was in a rush so went to it - the closest one. My bad. And because there are no pictures of my heated conversation with the general manager of Target which ended in my calling him a "corporate asshole," (oh yes I did) the below will have to suffice. (I'm a bit tired of "THE MAN" these days)

I am going to have to pay a contractor big bucks to come re-do my whole bathroom ceiling - after somebody decided to "wash it" with the handheld shower head. The ceiling, hanging loosely, decided to add insult to injury and fell on my freshly washed head. Do you know how difficult it is to wash all that crap out of your hair?
Our outting, which reflects the rest of how my day goes. Something so simple, so minor as parking and going into a store has the capacity to drive me insane.
Arrive at destination
Pull stroller out, close hatch, set up stroller
Twins have jumped out, are standing in the doorway blocking Andi.
Move the twins
Put Andi's shoes back on. Take her out
Stumble over twins trying to get to Andi's stroller
Break up fight about who gets to ride in stroller, push stroller, latch Andi in, carry my purse.
Re-close the mother frickin' hatch because a twin has opened it.
Still fighting over who is pushing the stroller, remind people to stay with me.
Arrive at doorway, one twin pushes the handicap button, the other yells they wanted to open it.  Refuses to enter store til the door closes again.
Shoving match occurs (between the twins)
Other twin slams door shut so she can open it.
My turn to go through door (finally) stroller gets stuck.
Once inside I hear

"I'm thirsty."

"I have to go potty."

Despite going potty at home, these children who apparently have acorns for bladders, "can't hold it." We spend 20 minutes in the bathroom pottying everyone. Why did it take so long?

Because someone wore their Tinkerbell swimsuit under their clothes for the fun of it.

In the process of undressing her bracelets and ring falls off so we have to gather those up.

Out of my irritation, I press the soap dispenser so hard and rapidly, the foamy soap sprays Ella in the face and arms.  Clean Ella up.

And after all this, we leave the store - and my mind - and go out to the car. The wrong car. For the third time, I try to put my children in someone else's van. Luckily, it was locked and we couldn't get in.

I feel like I am constantly falling over someone who is going where I'm trying to go, and picking up one mess while they make another.  There are only two things that light a fire under their little bums when it comes to picking up their stuff -  which they spread EVERYWHERE.(Did I mention I hate clutter?)

The vacuum. They are afraid it will suck up all their toys. I have not de-bunked this myth for them.

The garbage can. I don't like clutter and I'm not afraid to throw stuff away.

To quote Owen Wilson's line in a movie I can't remember the name of:

"I don't know karate, but I know Ca-razy and I'm not afraid to use it."


  1. Girl....I have had Ca-razy days like that myself and I don't even have toddlers!

  2. Somehow, I can picture this - you crazy woman.