I have decided to try a new parenting strategy. Today is my first day using the technique. I'm pretty excited about it because lately, my children's behavior has been eating away at my last nerve -- which is only there thanks to the psychopharmacology of zoloft.
The girls are all asleep at 7:45 this morning and while I have a vague anxiety floating about me wondering if they are all dead, I more think it is due to them: 1. Partying their asses off at gramma's house and 2. Wandering all over the house at 1AM, 3AM and 4AM last night.
By their sleeping in, I was able to blissfully get ready without interruption and that's when I found my lavendar spray that I bought at Whole Foods in June. It was my birthday gift to myself having read that lavendar has both a calming effect as well as an anti-depressant effect.
Today I'm putting that claim to the test. I have slathered lavendar lotion over my entire body, and then for good measure, I sprayed myself -- head to toe -- with lavendar spray. And because a lot of fights happen in the car, I have sprayed the car, too.
I am hoping that in the same way that bug spray works, that the lavendar spray will work to fight away any screaming/yelling/tattling/whining/bitchiness. My thought is, is that the girls will get near me and be hit by this invisible shield I have created around myself and they will instantly be set into a state of blissful calmness.
Please note that I realize I could just go ahead and spray it directly on them, but I have two pieces of evidence that indicate that technique won't work:
1. I tried it. They began screaming, "Ow! It's in my eyes!" That is the opposite effect of what I was looking for.
2. My sister-in-law tried it being careful to avoid the facial area. When my brother woke up on the wrong side of the bed and started bitching at her, she promptly got her "calming spray" and shot it at him. "It only made him madder." Not the effect I want either.
And so we'll see how this goes. If all goes well, my ship has come in. In my private practice as a parent coach I am finding that parents are over-stressed, over-tired, and just want a quick fix. I get it. I do too. If all goes well today, I will have developed the first technique to insulate all mothers from their children's crazy-making behavior and I.Will.Be.Rich.