Humor is also a way of saying something serious. - T. S. Eliot

Monday, October 24, 2011

Mother-of-the-Year: F*** the Homework

The twins are five.  They are in kindergarten.  And they have homework. 

Are you kidding me?  Do I look like I have time for this shit?  Seriously.  Surely we aren't the only dual-working family with more than one child in the home.  I don't have time to make my kid a salt-tray to trace her letters in.  We aren't going to practice making letters out of play-doh, either.  We are doing the bare minimum and sending the worksheet back to school and if that isn't good enough, well then I'm fine with continuing my reign as Mother-of-the-Year.  My kids might not learn to read as fast as Suzy-Stay-Home-Dote-On-Her-Children-Mom's kid, but here's the thing...

It'll all even out in the long run.  Really. It will. Trust me.  I'll gladly hand over the trophy for the mom-petition if you want me, too because I've recently gone back to work, re-discovered that there IS a life outside of stay-at-home momhood and am kicking myself for not going back to work sooner.

I don't have the patience to sit with my children while they sound out words in the fucking little "songbooks" their fried teachers send home with them every Friday.  By the time I finish "reading" ONE page with one five-year-old I think I'm going to tear my hair out.  By the time I'm done "reading" with the second five-year-old I am fantasizing of banging my head against a wall with protruding rusty nails. 

As if the 15 page "songbooks" of reading we must do every weekend (TIMES TWO) isn't enough, Ella brings home a full-page letter from her teacher today -- who I like to call the Rule Whore, good lord that falsely sappily sweet woman drives me insane -- dictating an elaborate plan for doing homework, taking it back to school, then bringing it home, stamping it, marking it, blah blah blah.

Oh suck it, lady. 

They're five.

And I'm busy, impatient, burned-out, and completely against stressing my hectic schedule with having to do ONE MORE FRICKING PIECE OF HOMEWORK for with a FIVE YEAR OLD!

Yes, Mother-of-the-Year is alive and well...and very happy to be working again.....Who'd have thought?  Certainly not me.


  1. My oldest is in first grade and his only homework (ever) is to read to us. Which means he can read and I can tend to the babies or whatever and halfway listen. I don't have time to help a five-year-old with that much junk, either.

    My four year old is in preschool and came home with the homework assignment for me to sew a placemat and napkins. Thank goodness daddy sews!

  2. I think it should be a tag team D one girl and you with the other!! I can't wait for those "fun" times either.

  3. IA soupmama -- sew? Oh dear. I'd cry...or throw something...or stab someone with a needle before anything got sewn...

    K - Good idea. :) Dave is fortunately much more teacher-ish than I (though the Rule Whore is pushing his patience, too).