Humor is also a way of saying something serious. - T. S. Eliot

Monday, October 31, 2011

Mom Blog: Trick or Treat Festivities

The girls have had their costumes for nearly two months now.  To say we have been eagerly awaiting October 31st is to put it lightly.  The twins planned to be Ariel (The Little Mermaid), and Andi selected Tiana (from the Frog Princess or whatever that movie was called). 

Last weekend was our first Halloween festivity...the girls went to the annual trick or treat at the nearby park.  When we got home, Andi refused to take off her costume for a bath.  She loved being Tiana. 

After the park festivities, the girls each had a fall party in their classroom during the day, and then a "Fall Festival" was held Friday evening at their school.  Dave had to take all three girls on his own since I worked Friday evening.  I can't say I'm sad to have missed that event.  I took the girls to their preschool parties and those were always over-crowded, the air too hot, and my mind spinning with thoughts about how many germs from all these small children that I must be breathing in (weird-o). 

Andi grew very fond of a spider purse and black witch hat during the week and wore it everywhere.  She requested having her nails painted black, and commanded Grampa carve her a mean & scary pumpkin.  (Please, oh please don't let this be a sign that she is going to be a devil-worshipping, goth clad rebellious teenager.)

Andi watched over Grampa as he carved her pumpkin.  Once he finished, she studied it straight-faced for a full minute.  We were all bracing for a war-cry of discontent when suddenly she threw her hands in the air, "It's PERFECT!" she yelled.  Whew....
Sophia and Ella and I headed out to get manicures done.  It is a new indulgence we have permitted ourselves as a reward for the girls completing their chore/good behavior charts.  Ella picked bright orange with black and white flowers painted on.  (No pic).  And Sophia went for pink with pumpkins.
It is a yearly tradition for Grampa to spend Halloween weekend with us.  He carves a mean pumpkin.  On the request list for this year from Sophia and Ella were Cars themed pumpkins and Rapunzel.  Grampa and I spent 4 hours carving pumpkins.

Finally, with the pumpkins carved and the sun starting to set on what turned out to be a pretty warm Halloween evening, the time had arrived.  The neighbor girl curled the girls hair and did their make-up since mommy had to work.  But I made it home just in time for Andi to throw a fit -- she didn't want to be Tiana anymore, she wanted to be Snow White.  With Andi happily changed, we set off.  It wasn't a complete success initially.  Andi screamed at the first two houses, she threw the pretzels back in the face of the person at the fifth house, but then she got the hang of it.  She walked to each door, collected her candy, then walked back to Dave to be carried to the next house -- her Prince Charming Chariot. 

The twins remembered to use their manners, Ella confidently booked it up to each door, gathered her candy and shot off again. Sophia is turning more shy again and didn't want to go to the door without mommy or daddy with her.  She and Ella had a great time, and Andi screamed, "I don't want to go home."  She screamed at us til she realized that being home meant she could eat chocolate.

yes, she is counting her candy!

Happy Halloween 2011 bring on the turkey!

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Screaming Mimi Goes to the Principal's Office

The twins preschool teachers as well as the administrative staff used to laugh at Andi's antics and make comments about how they'd better "watch out" for the time that Andi can become one of their students.  There's not quite that level of understanding and tolerance -- or something -- when it comes to the staff at elementary schools.

Andi is a highly intense, highly sensitive child.  Mix those characteristics with the developmental antics of a two-year-old and you will get some pretty trying/amusing (depends what mood you are in) behavior. 

Today Mother-of-the-Year forgot to send the twins with part of their lunch, and forgot to pay for their afternoon program.  This warranted a mid-morning trip to the twins elementary school.  Andi was in a pissy little mood on the way there because I had told her I would not allow her to have a Kung Fu Panda fruit roll-up.  (I'm beginning to wonder if the red no.5 contributes to behavior issues in her.)

We stood in the parking lot so she could scream for a while.  Eventually, I thought she had her shit together so we headed into the quiet administrative offices.  With my back turned, I heard Andi's blood-curdling scream and witnessed two of the secretaries FLY off their chair with startled expressions. 

I turned around to see Andi with her arms rigid, fists clenched, head thrown backwards and feet firmly planted on the floor. 

Once she finished her war-cry, the principal came out and gave us a stern look.  I quickly explained to the secretary what needed to occur with the twins lunches, paid the bill, and exited the property. 

Pulling away I was overcome with laughter as I pictured the startled old birds flying off their secretarial chairs. 

This two, shall pass...

Monday, October 24, 2011

Mother-of-the-Year: F*** the Homework

The twins are five.  They are in kindergarten.  And they have homework. 

Are you kidding me?  Do I look like I have time for this shit?  Seriously.  Surely we aren't the only dual-working family with more than one child in the home.  I don't have time to make my kid a salt-tray to trace her letters in.  We aren't going to practice making letters out of play-doh, either.  We are doing the bare minimum and sending the worksheet back to school and if that isn't good enough, well then I'm fine with continuing my reign as Mother-of-the-Year.  My kids might not learn to read as fast as Suzy-Stay-Home-Dote-On-Her-Children-Mom's kid, but here's the thing...

It'll all even out in the long run.  Really. It will. Trust me.  I'll gladly hand over the trophy for the mom-petition if you want me, too because I've recently gone back to work, re-discovered that there IS a life outside of stay-at-home momhood and am kicking myself for not going back to work sooner.

I don't have the patience to sit with my children while they sound out words in the fucking little "songbooks" their fried teachers send home with them every Friday.  By the time I finish "reading" ONE page with one five-year-old I think I'm going to tear my hair out.  By the time I'm done "reading" with the second five-year-old I am fantasizing of banging my head against a wall with protruding rusty nails. 

As if the 15 page "songbooks" of reading we must do every weekend (TIMES TWO) isn't enough, Ella brings home a full-page letter from her teacher today -- who I like to call the Rule Whore, good lord that falsely sappily sweet woman drives me insane -- dictating an elaborate plan for doing homework, taking it back to school, then bringing it home, stamping it, marking it, blah blah blah.

Oh suck it, lady. 

They're five.

And I'm busy, impatient, burned-out, and completely against stressing my hectic schedule with having to do ONE MORE FRICKING PIECE OF HOMEWORK for with a FIVE YEAR OLD!

Yes, Mother-of-the-Year is alive and well...and very happy to be working again.....Who'd have thought?  Certainly not me.

Friday, October 14, 2011

Mother-of-the-Year "Onboarded"

Yes, I am still alive (though quite possibly soul-less as I have begun my new job that is not only in corporate America, but as a behavioral health care manager at a large insurance company).  This past week was my first week.  Long story short -- it works, for right now.  More to come in another blog...someday...

And while I would much rather catch up on things and hit the gym, tomorrow I head to an all day Baby Expo with a colleague and friend where we market our mental health and parent coaching private practices.  I'm putting together a little something for the attendees that includes the below quotes.  I thought I'd share them's all I've got time for now.  (And may I just send a shout out to K -- a super(working) mom.  Thank you for the gift card for lunch out...You just won't let me not take care of myself, will you?  I hope you've started Zumba and while it might initially leave you breathless, I think it will ultimately help you get your breath back and help your (big) heart).

Parenting quotes.....

  • When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen.  When they're finished, I climb out.  ~Erma Bombeck                                   
  • The one thing children wear out faster than shoes is parents.  ~John J. Plomp
  •  Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell, the name will carry.  ~Bill Cosby                                                                                                                               
  • If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says "keep away from children."  ~Susan Savannah
  • It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.  ~Phyllis Diller
  • Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.  ~Robert Fulghum                                                                                
  • The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable.  ~Lane Olinghouse                                                               
  • Do not ask that your kids live up to your expectations.  Let your kids be who they are, and your expectations will be in breathless pursuit.  ~Robert Brault  m
  • I love to play hide and seek with my kid, but some days my goal is to find a hiding place where he can't find me until after high school.  ~Author Unknown 
  • The one thing children wear out faster than shoes is parents.  ~John J. Plomp
  • No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I'm not talking about the kids.  ~Bill Cosby           
  • Parents are not interested in justice; they are interested in quiet.  ~Bill Cosby
  • The trouble with having a stubbornness contest with your kids is that they have your stubbornness gene.  ~Robert Brault                                                     
  • Parenthood:  That state of being better chaperoned than you were before marriage.  ~Marcelene Cox                                                                                         
  • Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.  ~Robert Fulghum                                                                                          

Monday, October 3, 2011

All Tuckered Out

Where did the weekend go?  After this weekend, I am left with two polarizing thoughts...I'm glad that I'll start working weekends and when are we going to get stuff done when I start working weekends?!

After the girls cheered on Friday night, we spent Saturday shopping for a party Ella had at a friend's on Saturday night, toured a newly built home -- with a new job to help with income as well as 3 growing GIRLS, our home is shrinking by the month making a new home with more bedrooms ON ONE LEVEL very attractive.  The downfall...we can't take our neighbors -- and their daughters with us.  What was "cute" about our 1400 sq foot home 6 years ago is now "too small."   The girls are all crammed into one works for now...but not sure it will work forever.  There is no move that is going to happen imminently, especially with our home value in the toilet, but we learned there are maybe in a year or 2 versus 5 or 6 moving could be an option.  Though, if I hate corporate America and can't tolerate the new job, I'm just as happy staying in our home for a while longer.  You can't beat the neighbors as well as the preserve that we back up to.

Saturday night while Ella partied at an inflatables party place, Sophia and I attempted to shop for my work clothes at the local mall.  The only thing THAT accomplished was further solidifying the thought that I will start my new job naked as a jaybird.  Did I mention I hate shopping? Why are childrens clothes so much cuter, fun to shop for, and attractive to me? 

On Sunday, the girls played in the leaf piles before I vacuumed them up and mowed.  We have the smallest tree on the cul de sac, yet we had the most leaves laying in our yard.  Damn wind storm.

Daddy left to play soccer for the afternoon, so the girls and I -- who are all lovers of real estate -- headed to a show home where the builder takes "trade-in" homes or guarantees the rental of your home for 5 years.  I didn't particularly like the homes he built, but I did stumble upon one that I cute is that one?

Somehow amidst all the running around we got the 5 loads of laundary done, the house cleaned, and everyone put to bed  nearly on time...and they were pooped.

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