There was no time for talking. We were on borrowed time. Spending the entire afternoon out shopping for Halloween costumes and exploring the Minnesota Children's Museum left us with overstimulated, tired, and hungry children. By the time we reached Pizza Hut and finally had our pizza arrive, Andi would no longer stay in her highchair, frequently able to free her legs from the chair's slots, stand up, she would proceed to stepping on the table. Putting her back in her chair granted us with the privilege of her ear shattering screams. It took Dave and I -- both -- to push the little stiff board of a baby back into her seat.
There are lists of life circumstances that experts say increase the risk of divorce for couples. Included are:
- infertility
- miscarriages
- law school
- the practice of law
- raising multiples
Sometimes, as Dave and I pass by each other, each living our own lives, barely surviving individual demands placed upon us, I say "life, right now, is overwhelming." Dave agrees, "yep." And then we keep going. He trying to manage unrealistic demands placed on him by having three bosses, I trying to manage everything else on the home front. Never mind nurturing our own relationship. The therapist in me telling myself about our lifestyle "this is not a smart way to go." "But what else can we do?" I snap back at the therapist.
"We're just trying to survive."
Unable to converse with Dave -- on his birthday -- over the roar of childrens' frenetic energy, I was caught off guard as I took a bite of pizza. I realized there were other ways to feel glimpses of connection. The taste of the pizza -- a combination of vegetables and pepperoni that we ordered years ago --
as we dated,
got married,
survived grad school in Missouri,
then law school in MN,
then all the heartbreaks of lost babies,
and finally the arrival of twins,
served as a reminder of our connection. The pizza, in the chaos, spoke words we could not. And that will have to do. For now.
Happy Birthday Dave.
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