Monday

I can't find the phone -- the TV remote is "hung up" where my phone should be. I don't know if I did that or if the twins did that. 

I realized this morning that Andi has given up her morning naps.  This was a devastating realization for me. 

My trainer tried to kill me this past weekend at the gym. Additionally, my 15 year-old dog, while under the influence of an opioid, also tried to kill me.

I took the dog to the vet this past weekend due to coughing and breathing issues.  Her death is not imminent; however, it is to the point that her health and behavior is begging me to consider euthanasia in the near future.  A pain pill she was put on caused aggression.  She stalked me and attacked me three times.  

On a better news front, we had a great time at a friend's home on Saturday night. He likes to burn  furniture and torment his wife with claims that rodents are near, but he makes great tacos.  I think we'll keep them on the "friend list" for the time being.

As far as my Mother-of-the-Year status: 

• I burned Ella's head with a curling iron this weekend. In my defense, it was my first time using a curling iron in almost 20 years.  My short hair does not warrant such things.

• I uttered the following statement to Dave, "Take them. I want nothing to do with them.  I am going to mow the lawn and then make dinner.  I don't want to have anything to do with these children.  All they do is fight. And their fighting woke up Andi from her one and ONLY NAP TODAY!  I can do NOTHING because they need constant attention."  

• I tried to write instead of watching Andi while the twins were at school today.  Hearing plastic rustling, I decided to check on her.  I found her sitting on the kitchen floor eating a loaf of bread.  She had un-latched the baby-proofing latch and helped herself to the loaf as well as the stale heels of bread I keep to give Cujo her pain pills.  As I cleaned up, Andi commented "Mmmmmm. Good!"