Humor is also a way of saying something serious. - T. S. Eliot

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Want the Secret for Losing Weight? My Lips are Sealed

Last night Dave walked into the house with the three girls.  He had fed them dinner and taken them all to Sophia's ballet lesson.  The moment he walked in, the fumes of clorox wipes and stainless steel polishing liquid hit him. He knew -- without me even opening my mouth (which I couldn't have done if I'd have wanted to) that something was wrong.

I was home from the dentist and the turn of events there had me so anxious that I did the only thing a neurotic woman knows to do to quell her unease.  If I was a smoker, I'd have smoked. If I was a drinker, I'd have drunk.  But luckily -- because my mouth wouldn't open -- I am neither.  So I cleaned.  I cleaned and scrubbed until all three levels of the home were clean.

I told the 60 year-old-plus dentist who was to prep my tooth for my first ever crown that "in the past, other dentists have had difficulty getting my mouth numb and that it took more than a couple of injections plus a lot of waiting time."

After three or four rounds of injections, in which I noticed her hands shaking and she accidentally shot the novacaine out of the needle before it was injected she decided "let's go ahead and get started anyway,  hopefully the numbness will kick in."

This is after she said, "You told me you had a hard time getting numb, but I didn't believe you, but you really do."
Yikes.  I've had a dentist go ahead and work on my tooth while I could still feel it...but even that didn't cause me to have dental phobia you hear about people having.  

She sat down, got her drill, and I tried to open my mouth.  I couldn't.  Could I wiggle my jaw back and forth for her? Nope.

She sent me home saying she had never seen this happen and didn't know what was wrong or when it would get better.

Holy shit!  Now my inner neurotic is freaking out and so I hit google and found all these horror stories of people with their jaws locked shut for weeks on end with nothing working to fix it.


After a couple hours, the numbness was wearing out and my mouth was able to open all the way.  Today I still have to force it open and eating takes concentration.  I'm not sure what the hell happened, nor is the dentist who called today to ask how I am "Oh weird, maybe we numbed your muscles?  Come back in a couple weeks and we'll try again."  Look lady, if you don't even know what the hell you did wrong, I ain't setting foot in your office again.

I have had a bad tooth for over a year now and seen three dentists, two of which must have graduated at the bottom of their class, the other one is not covered by our new dandy insurance, but he is able to get me numb.   But the need for a crown and lack of finances for a crown leaves me with one thought...

I'm done.  I am now one of THOSE people who just won't go to a dentist.  I'd rather have to chew on only one half of my mouth than not be able to chew again.  That was too close of a call -- even if having my jaw locked shut would have served as a very handy weight loss tool.

No comments:

Post a Comment